The Silent Epidemic of "De-masculation"- Let's Talk...

Matt Valentine-Chase
May 14
3 min read

... about Misandry.

I’m a therapist, and I’m seeing a pattern I can no longer ignore: a sharp, painful increase in men coming into my office as strangers to themselves. They are confused about who they are, and more importantly, they are losing the confidence to express it.

We need to talk about misandry.

The Forbidden Vocabulary

You’d be forgiven for not knowing that word. I didn’t know it myself until a few weeks ago. I went hunting for a definition because of the recurring distress I was seeing in my clients.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, misandry is:

Misandry (n): Dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against men.

Recently, a client sat across from me, visibly struggling to describe a hollow, stifled feeling regarding his marriage, his role as a father, and his sense of self. He was circling an emotion he didn’t have the “allowed” vocabulary to describe.

I decided to drop a bomb. I looked at him and said: “You’re feeling de-masculated.”

The room went silent. Then, he let out a breath that sounded like a physical weight lifting.

“Holy f***,” he whispered. “That’s exactly what it is.”

He cried. He laughed. He finally felt seen.

The Problem with "Progress"

To some, that word is a red flag. We live in a world where "de-masculated" is often treated as a forbidden term because it supposedly “reinforces harmful gender norms.” Many of my peers are too afraid to use it.

I am not one of them.

Let’s be clear: masculinity looks different for everyone. I identify as a masculine male, even though I am in touch with my "feminine side"—or camp, if you prefer. But what about the "traditional" masculine male? The guy with the deep voice who enjoys providing for his family and opening doors for his partner?

In our current climate, these men are being told those traits are wrong. We’ve reached a point where, in an attempt to be inclusive, we have effectively turned the tables. We have created a society where men are judged, stigmatized, and silenced for simply being who they are.

Inclusivity Means Everyone

I recently saw an ad for an organization called MAN THERAPY. It featured a close-up of a hairy chest with the tagline: “Bring your hairy chests and anxiety.”

The reaction from the "PC brigade" was immediate. They didn’t just disagree; they recoiled with comments like, “Ew,” and accusations that the ad was “pushing gender norms.”

It was a stark reminder of how far we’ve strayed from true equality. If we are truly going to let people “be who they are,” that has to apply to everyone.

If you are non-binary, trans, or feminine-presenting, you should be free to express that.
If you are a straight 'butch' man who wants to hold the door open or pay for dinner for your Mrs, you should be free to express that, too.

The Bottom Line

Here is the catch: Don’t judge others for doing the same.

If we are genuinely committed to a culture of acceptance, we need to leave these men alone. By labeling traditional masculinity as a problem, we are messing with their heads. We are creating the very prejudice we claim to hate, and we are doing it in the name of "progress."

True inclusivity means accepting people for who they are—full stop.