The Different Slices of Me - Embracing the fluid personas we inhabit to find our truest, whole self.

Once upon a time, I would feel chaotic, lost, all over the place. Much of this confusion would be triggered and exacerbated by friends' (or foes') judgment and attitude towards my, apparent, multiple personalities.

I remember conducting a workshop on healing and "being aware of energy flow" in Manchester, around 2004. A close friend of mine was in the audience; he glared at me with an undisguised look of shock. As the workshop progressed, he began to relax and started having fun with the other attendees, playing with "energy balls" and weird stuff like that.

Afterwards we went for coffee. He said: "My god, that threw me at first—you were like a completely different person!" I asked him what he meant; he told me that my voice was deeper, my mannerisms were "less camp," and even my eye colour looked different. He said that as the workshop evolved, he started to "get" why I was "a different Matt" on that day.

There was a part of me that felt egoic listening to his perception of me, a bit "fluffed up," but I kinda knew that was, actually, my insecurity. At first, I felt out of control of myself—because I was unaware of how changeable my presentation was/is. I laughed it off and said, "Yeah, that’s the work me." But there was a deep sense of discomfort, and that discomfort has only really settled in the last couple of years as I reflect and process who I truly am:

I am all of me.

Once upon another time, I worked in a drug counselling service in a "rough" part of Manchester. A politically correct friend of mine was "disgusted" as I was getting dressed for work one day, putting on my not-my-usual attire of dark khaki combats, a black baggy top, and a green waxed jacket. She said, "Why are you toning yourself down?" But on that occasion, I knew exactly why I was "toning myself down."

I worked with mainly straight, "butch" men, some of whom were homophobic or uncomfortable around camp men. I wanted to help them. I couldn’t do that if I was wearing a cropped top and ripped jeans—it would have gotten in the way.

Once upon another time, I worked as a counsellor for the LGBT counselling service in a young person’s charity—I wore cropped tops and ripped jeans.

Do you get the point?

Here’s the thing: sometimes I deliberately altered how I looked and sounded so that I could reach that "sweet spot" where the human being I was helping and I met as relative equals. Whatever worked. Oftentimes I had no idea I was altering anything—it was pure instinct.

It doesn’t matter. Slices, pieces, mirrors, and personas—they all help us and they all can hinder us. They only become a problem if we attach to them and think they are who we truly are.

Now don’t get me started on my ever-evolving/morphing sexual orientation—again, only ever an issue when I become attached to one, or the other.

We all have many sides to us…. Let your slices of yourself be just what they are: without trying to change them. When you do that: you, strangely, oddly, beautifully: become whole.

In Love,

The London Sex Coach x

You don’t have to pick a side or settle for a single persona. Whether you’re navigating your sexual identity, your many layers, or just trying to feel whole, I’m here to help you explore every slice of who you are. Let’s talk.